The 15 Best Quotes From Krampus

Krampus' best quotes capture the humor and heart that bursts from this modern holiday classic.

Michael Dougherty's Christmas thriller-comedy Krampus is one of the horror epics.​​ It's part monster movie and part holiday romp; atmospheric, spooky and humorous all rolled into one.

The film's unique premise - the diabolical counterpart of Santa Claus and his evil minions - sets the stage for some very funny, quirky moments, and plenty of laugh-out-loud quotes.

Updated 26 December 2022 by Mark Birrell: Whether the characters are commenting on the absurdity of their situation or trying to be sincere, Kramps' best quotes capture this modern Bursting with humor and heart in a holiday classic. This movie is revisited for each holiday, so as time goes on, more and more quotes can be found amidst the poignant dialogue.

“So, Where’s The Nog? I Need To Get Merry.”

Aunt Dorothy

Aunt Dorothy, one of the family members from Krampus, feels ripped straight from the lively holiday favorite National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. Though she can be cranky at times, she's full of that Christmas spirit that the movie needs to balance its darkest moments.

she sent this Not only did the phrase perfectly sum up her character when she was first introduced, but it also spawned a classic holiday phrase that can be used at almost any Christmas family gathering.

“A Holiday Roast Is A Surprise. Hemorrhoids Are A Surprise. She Is A Goddamn Nightmare.”

Sarah Engel

After Linda described Aunt Dorothy as a surprise, Sarah waited until they were alone together to let her know what an unpleasant surprise their relatives really were.

Almost anyone can understand having to deal with difficult relatives around the holidays to keep the spirit of togetherness alive. Aunt Dorothy is a true test of the Christmas spirit, especially for Sarah, and this quote from Krampus sums up just how irritating the experience of being an easy-going host can be.

“And I Just Wanna Say I’m Sorry For… Thinking You’re Such A Spineless Dick All These Years.”

Uncle Howard

After Tom saves Howard from one of Krampus' most vicious monsters, the two share a quality time and Howard begins to show his better side. Or at least, he tries to.

Krampus does start this hilarious quote with the impression that Howard is about to say something sweet, but he ends it with a milder-than-usual sarcasm at Tom. The funniest thing is that Howard really seems to take it as a heartfelt compliment and seems to be quite pleased with it In words of his choice.

“Evil Santa? Jesus H. Almighty. She’ll Be Yammering About A Rabid Easter Bunny Come Spring.”

Uncle Howard

Most of the time, Howard is completely indifferent to how his words affect other people. So after Max's grandmother tells the harrowing story of her first encounter with Krampus, he doesn't embellish his true thoughts.

How the characters react to their horrific fantasy experiences is an interesting part of the film in itself, and while Howard's outright denial of the dark Christmas magic happening before his eyes might not be one of the smartest reactions, it's certainly one of the funniest.

“Hey! Give Me Back My Kids, You… Fudger!”

Aunt Linda

After seeing one of her children swallowed whole by a Krampus monster and attacked by a demonic teddy bear, Linda breaks out and finally displays some of the fighting spirit she hinted at earlier in the film.

After picking up an ax and taking out the other monsters in the attic, she goes after the one who swallowed her child. It's a triumphant moment in the film, but also an interesting reference that fans of classic holiday films will recognize, as it echoes one of the most famous quotes from A Christmas Story, which uses The same word is replaced, but in a different way.

"We Should Have Gone To My Brother's!"

Uncle Howard

Max's uncle may be gruff, but he also provides another source for the goofy, light-hearted side of this horror comedy to balance out the darkness. He made it clear shortly after his arrival that he didn't particularly want to be there. In fact, he has been outspoken on multiple occasions that he regrets not visiting his brother.

But the comedic effect of this serial gag is magnified during an intense scene with Krampus' killer Christmas cookie showdown. A confused and frustrated Howard utters the words as he endures a barrage of nail gun shots from the sadistic gingerbread man. Given the absurd, dangerous situation, it creates some delightful comedic timing.

"Twisted Fairytale Horse****!"

Uncle Howard

After hours of being terrorized by Krampus and his men, things really started to get weird and scary for the family. Ghoul-like Christmas elves broke into the Engle home and took most of the remaining family members. Ironically, this particularly gruesome, desperate moment provoked some of the funniest quips from the horrified families onlookers.

One of the gems comes from Howard, who makes this apt statement as his lover Some were dragged into the dark blizzard in the distance. Howard doesn't make another appearance until the finale, so it's a nice goodbye to one of the best characters in the movie.

"I Just Got My Ass Kicked By A Bunch Of Christmas Cookies, So Trust Me When I Tell You I Can Take It!"

Uncle Howard

Let Uncle Howard cull some of the roughest, most colorful lines in Krampus. While most families have to deal with the creatures' punishment at this point, it's especially bad when Max's uncle barely fends off a barrage of nails from the Gingerbread Man.

By the film's final scene, he is ready to fall - yelling at his wife after she warns him that he doesn't want to know what's upstairs. Hearing a grown man admit to tangling with baked goods is silly, and embodies the film's comic horror.

"See Ya In Hell!"

Aunt Dorothy

It's hard not to be amused by this bubbly, eccentric character, the late Conchata Ferrell made a memorable one. Even in the face of killer toys and a diabolical Santa, Dorothy is often quick to crack jokes and keep her mood light. Just before she was captured by the elves of Krampus, she went broke One last powerful scream for the road.

This becomes even more interesting after Dorothy is quickly and fully pulled back into the blizzard by the evil elf. The action is complemented by a comical yank sound effect, making this over-the-top scene more like something out of a dark thriller than a Looney Tunes.

"I'm Old Enough To Know When Life Is Coming At Me With Its Pants Down."

Aunt Dorothy

Aunt Dorothy may have her sillier ways, but she makes it clear that with age comes experience and wisdom - even if it has a cynical tinge. After all, she's only slightly above Max's grandmother in elder status, and she manages to convey her wisdom in her own hilarious way.

When Max's grandmother explains more details about the ominous Krampus, Dorothy echoes her own translation. "We're fucked," is her explanation, which she ends with this character-defining quote.

"For Your Sake, Just... Stay The Hell Out Of My Kitchen."

Sarah Engel

Funny Aunt Dorothy has no shortage of one-liners and one-liners to keep Kramps' comedy going. While she's an interesting and generally likable character to audiences, her own niece doesn't seem to think so.

This is certainly the case early in the film, as follows Aunt Dorothy's persistent criticism of Sarah's cooking. When Sarah finally loses her temper, it prompts a very harsh response from her. While that's obviously an overly harsh response, many can understand Sarah's frustration here that she's put in so much effort to make Christmas a good one for her family and yet get nothing in return .

"I Haven't Been This Hungover Since The Pope Died."

Aunt Dorothy

Many people know the stereotype of the drunken uncle at the Christmas party, but in Krampus' case, it was Dorothy who played the role of the drunken aunt. As it happens, this came in handy and proved very plausible given the dire circumstances and lack of power.

Naturally, she mentions happiness at the end in the film's closing scene. It's nice to see at the end of the movie that Aunt Dorothy still maintains her hearty demeanor despite the fact that everyone appears in a much softer light in the final scene.

"A Little Sugar, A Little Spice... Makes Everything Nice."

Aunt Dorothy

The middle part of the film is a bit calmer in terms of action, but not so during the tension of the building, as the family hides in a snow house with no electricity.

Demonstrating why Aunt Dorothy is A bad babysitter, which is also the line that keeps the holiday spirit alive through the dark and creepy scenes, is what this film is all about.

"Jesus Was Born In A Barn!"

Uncle Howard

Howard is certainly not shy about speaking his mind, and there are plenty of funny moments involving the tough, stubborn uncle being outspoken - but this line is one of the funniest.

After noticing that he and his family should go to his brother's place, his wife Linda reminds her husband that his brother lives on a pig farm. Howard's angry response is especially amusing given the childish tone of actor David Koechner.

"That's What A Family Is, Max. People You Try To Be Friends With, Even When You Don't Have A Lot In Common."

Tom Engel

It's easy to appreciate funny quotes, and there's no shortage of them in Krampus. At the same time, some esoteric lines can also be very funny satires in their own way.

While Max's father Tom isn't always the most hysterical character, his lines are perhaps some of the funniest and most memorable in the film. It fits perfectly with the film's overarching theme, as this family of disparate characters must band together to survive Krampus's ordeal. But besides, it's a very relevant quote Difficulties about holidays and the whole family.

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